Since acknowledging my awakening, I have dedicated a substantial amount of time to studying who I am, and trust me, it is not an easy task!
Our formation consists of influences starting from our parents, then immediate relatives, school, religion, neighbourhood, and passions… then get more intricate with relationships, life experiences, work place, achievements and most especially “mishaps”.
If that is not enough, all the above contributions are then also influenced by their own combinations of conditioning, so practically character wise, we are all unique in our ways!
My conclusion is that no matter how good the psychologist/healer/mentor is and how effective the medicine (pharma or not), there are no “one-size-fits-all” solutions.
The past 6 months have been overwhelming, I have been working round the clock non-stop, exhausted, depressed and drained… started smoking again, had some occasional drinks, stopped training… basically, I thought that whatever I was working towards went down the drain… if that is not enough, once you reach that state, the past patterns start welcoming you back, meeting old friends & situations, and you continue to derail from the “path.”
I had to stop, pull out myself from the situation, and evaluate what is happening, but this time, not as a protagonist, more of a “Morgan Freeman” type third-party narrator in my own story!
Wow! What seemed like rock-bottom for me were the places that others dream about… imagine mountain peaks hidden by the clouds, and trekkers who do not have the will or capabilities to climb… in fact, I am there, high up still pushing for the peak, getting stronger every time I slide down, and not appreciating the gifts I accumulated on the way up.
Yes, sure, I am bruised, “lonely,” and I am carrying a lot of weight on my shoulders… missing out on a lot of “goodies” that the matrix is pushing on me… but what am I really missing out on is the beautiful unchartered territory that I am threading in.
What is the reason for my “depression”?
Easy answer: I am not living according to the road map laid down on me through my conditioning stages, so at point blank, I feel lost. Obviously, the general public (including close family and friends) contribute to this as they try to pull me back to the “normal path,” but in the end, my wish is to explore this uncharted territory and create my own truth.
So once I clocked in on the reality check, I went back to six months ago where I was still “aligned” to my mission, and amazingly enough I understood that what was good six months ago, is not relevant to me now! I am constantly evolving, growing, and changing, so it is useless clinging to a state, belief, or comfort zone since elevation brings change, and unless you are able to embrace that, you get stuck in another layer within the matrix.
I decided to “LET GO” of who I was six years ago, who I was six months ago, who I was six days ago and who I was six minutes ago… I am me NOW!
I just understood there is no perfect way to live, perfect love, or friends to find and most especially perfect situations.
Also, people, possessions, and situations are not lifetime guarantees, so the best call is to cherish the beautiful moments, collect the memories and understanding that this could be the very last time you are part of this… then be prepared to “LET GO”!
I came to the conclusion that “letting go” is one of the greatest acts of discipline and self-love one could ever give to himself/herself.
In the end, whatever is meant for you will find its way back… either as it was, or another more appropriate version that nourishes you and fulfils your soul in the best way.
More than ever, I am eager to continue climbing to the peak, but at the same time, this time, I will give myself a healthier self-loving lifestyle overall, since in the end it is only selfish to manifest your wildest dreams, without being the best version of yourself… in the end, you have to be able to pay back your dues in energy exchange!
Yours truly,
CB
5dtimes.com 